How my parents’ marriage shaped my feelings about Valentine’s Day

By on February 27, 2020
One of the bouquets of roses Freska received for Valentine’s Day from her boyfriend this year.

Ok. So, Valentine s Day was a while ago but I wanted to just get somethings out. We do not really understand just how much what we see and experience as kids impacts us in our adult years.

Yes, it is true. I admit it. I can be a bit much sometimes. I find myself very doubtful but not because of something my man did but because of what my father did to my mom as I was growing up. Maybe the best way to put it is what my father didn’t do for my mother. I do speak to my boyfriend about things so he can understand how deep rooted some of these issues are that I have.

I explained to my boyfriend how my father never really did nice things for my mom. My father was the kind of husband that forgot birthdays or if he remembered he didn’t really make it anything special. I never remember them celebrating anniversaries! Every day of the year was the same. It’s not like he couldn’t spend a few bucks on a card it was the fact that he wouldn’t or didn’t want to or care to. He didn’t even write little notes to my mom.

The Valentine’s Day gifts that Freska received form her boyfriend this year.

My mother was the sweetest they come. She was thoughtful and mindful of your feelings. I always wondered how she ended up with my dad. He finally turned his ways around but that was only about 7 years before he died. So much time wasted. I was happy to finally see that my dad showed he loved and cared for my mother. He apologized for the many insensitive things he did and didn’t do. Imagine that, after being married almost 45 years he finally understood what a partner really meant. My mother never left his side.

Before my dad’s emotional 360, I felt my mother deserved better and because of that experience those little occasions mean a lot to me. My father would often forget my birthday too. While everyday is a day to show love I get really anxious around Valentine’s Day, Mother’s Day, Christmas and my birthday. Those are usually days people show some kind of appreciation to someone or make the celebrant feel special. An outward showing of affection or thanks and appreciation is something I long for because I hated the feeling that I got when my dad would forget or simply not care enough to show thanks to my mother for the the wonderful woman she is not only on Valentine’s Day but ANY DAY.

My boyfriend remembered that story I told him and I was quite sad about it and felt embarrassed that I felt that way. Some say it is a day that is too commercialized and forces people to have to get flowers for their wives or girlfriends. For me, it shows a great deal of love and affection. Perhaps if my father was more kind and thoughtful it wouldn’t matter to me much. I am just thankful that my boyfriend really went out of his way to make me feel super special. I don’t expect him to do this all the time, however, I am happy, thankful and appreciative that he really listened to my heart. I honestly thought we weren’t going to do anything except go out to eat and not even on Valentine’s Day and I would have been good with that.

Heart shaped candy box and stuffed animal for Freska’s Valentine’s Day 2020

I wanted to show you the flowers he got delivered to the station. I’ve photos of one of the bouquets and then of both. He got me not 1 but 2 dozen long stem roses, candy and a stuffed doggy because he knows how much I love dogs.

I wanted to publicly say I love you and thank you to my forever Valentine for his kindness a love and patience because I was late in giving him something for Valentine’s Day this year!!! DOH!   It was an explosion box and it took me 2 days to finish!!!

Roses that Freska’s boyfriend gave her for Valentine’s Day 2020

Around the site