Are any moms “killing it”?

By 965koit on September 18, 2019

I belong to a couple of Bay Area mom groups on Facebook and last night a post stuck out to me.

It was from a frustrated mom who said she was crying in her car because her house was messy, her kids were being difficult, she’s been eating fast food a lot and gaining weight, and she hasn’t had any time to work on things she loves.

She said that she looks at other moms and thinks they’re “killing it” and that they’ve got everything together, so why couldn’t she be more like them?

This really hit me. Maybe because I wonder the same thing, or maybe it was because after struggling with a teething Lilly for three hours, she finally fell asleep and I was too exhausted to do anything else.

I commented back. I said that I only cried three times while trying to put my fussy baby down and for me, that WAS “killing it”. I only meant to be funny and to commiserate with her, but the comments started flowing in, and it was incredibly eye-opening for me.

Every mom responded with how they never felt like they had it all together.

Some haven’t cleaned their house in months, some hired help because they couldn’t do it all, and some even limited the amount of time they spend at work.

The comments poured in from women all over the Bay Area explaining how they had to compromise when they had kids, and I related to this so hard.

I’ve been feeling like there just isn’t enough time in the day for everything. I’ve been telling myself that “tomorrow will be the day I get it all together”, but when tomorrow comes, I’m too exhausted at the end of the day to mop, or make a healthy dinner, or even sit down to write.

Since Lilly was born, everything has fallen into disrepair.

But I’m okay with that. In fact, I’m CHOOSING that. I want to spend all my time with her. I love putting her down at every nap. I want to feed her every meal and every bottle. I’m choosing her over everything else, and I’m so happy with my decision.

That’s why I’m waving the white flag at everything else.

Everyone can deal with a sticky floor, a delivered pizza, a tired wife.

I think this is a good reminder to be kinder on ourselves. We. Can’t. Do. It. All. If you have to hire help, do it. If you need to leave work early once and awhile to go eat ice cream childfree in the parking lot of Target, do it.

But whatever you do, don’t put unrealistic expectations on yourself and then beat yourself up for now hitting every goal and deadline.

I don’t know where this idea of being a Supermom came from, but I’ve bought into it many times. I find myself saying how lazy I must be for not cleaning my toilets while Lilly naps. I get mad at myself when I choose my DVR over working on my website. (Which you can find here. Shameless plug)

This is my new philosophy: If I can make it through the day still breathing with a child that’s fed, clothed and happy, then I’m killing it. If I have time to fit in anything extra, then I’m Supermom.

Have you found yourself comparing yourself to other mothers? What are you doing today to “kill it”? Let me know in the Facebook comments.

Thanks for coming to my TED talk.