Top Things to Consider Before Adopting a Dog

By Hope Bidegainberry on October 7, 2019

Are you thinking about adopting a dog?  If so, we think you should first take a minute to review this list of the top things to consider before adopting a dog.

  • If it gets annoying, can I leave it in a park like I did with my kid’s cat, gerbil, rabbit, miniature horse, and goldfish?
  • Can I also find a lasagna-loving cat to delightfully torment the dog?
  • I’m a single guy, so wouldn’t I get more joy from adopting a Spearmint Rhino dancer?
  • Am I doing this just to have a fall guy for my flatulence issues?
  • Will it engage in hilarious antics, like Marmaduke?
  • Will it know to protect my home from obvious threats like thieves, burglars, and Jehovah’s Witnesses? 
  • Can I train it not to go nuts on the TV when Drew Carey does his “snip your dog’s nads” reminder?
  • Will I be able to tolerate the overwhelming odor of weed being constantly smoked?  Sorry, that’s something to consider before adopting Snoop Dogg.
  • Do I need to get one of those stupid “Who Rescued Who?” bumper stickers?
  • Will I remember to keep it exercised?  (Hint:  Look at yourself.  Of course not!)
  • Is it too dangerous to let the dog wear the spiked-collar my dominatrix uses on me?
  • Once it’s no longer an adorable puppy, can I trade it in for another adorable puppy to help me get laid?
  • Will there be a lot of judgment if I call it my life partner?
  • Does the dog have all his shots . . . or was it owned by anti-vaxxers?
  • Will I be supportive if the dog ever asks to meet its real parents?
  • Should I take baby steps and adopt a highway first?

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